There are days … moments … seasons … when I think I can’t …

I can’t face one more day.

I can’t face the night.

I can’t face one more meltdown…

Not one more rage…

Not one more demand on my exhausted mind and body.

I can’t face one more feeling of isolation.

I can’t face one more season of loneliness.

I can’t face one more trial borne alone on my weary shoulders.

I can’t face one more …

Have you experienced this as well?

When everything inside of you is screaming that you simply can’t … ?

It is a feeling I know well.

This morning I woke feeling just as fatigued as when I went to bed the night before.

We are in break weeks, which I shared about here, Summer Writing and I make no apology for the overwhelmed, exhausted place I am in.  It goes with my journey.

I am human.  The road is challenging.  I am pouring out constantly.  Little is coming back in.  My cup is mostly empty.  My strength depleted.  It is hard to face the demands of another day.  Sometimes, I feel like I can’t.

I recognize these times in life as crossroads.  The road is definitely going a certain direction, but at various points, it splits and I must choose, which path I will go.

To the untrained eye, the paths look relatively the same.  But to the pilgrim who has journeyed this way before, there is more than meets the eye.  The one path is the way of righteousness.  It is the path that Christ Himself walked.  It is the path of trust and surrender.  It is the way of sacrifice.  It is the path that has little appeal to most who pass this way because it is not the easy way.

The second path is the way of self.  It is a much broader path than the other and considerably more alluring.  It appears as being a more level path but it gradually slopes downward, while the other rises above.  On this path, companions, such as Self-Pity and Self-Indulgence, run wild and free, ready to lead you further than you may want to go.

To the one who is familiar with the snares the enemy uses, there arises inside a warning cry not to follow that second path.  It looks harmless at onset, but many a pilgrim has gone that way, never to be seen again.  They become lost and they spend the remainder of their lives wandering aimlessly, never moving forward. Never rising above.  Some have taken that path only to recognize their mistake.  The journey back to the path of righteousness is often particularly arduous and difficult and rarely does a person make it without some scars.

I stood in the quiet this morning, once again facing the crossroad that is particularly common on my journey.  The words ‘I can’t do this’ echoed in my thoughts and my foes, Resentfulness and Self-Pity, stood ready nearby to entice me down the path of self.

But as I stood there, I remembered all the times the Lord had been faithful as He led me on the paths of righteousness.  I remembered the battles hard-fought and won.  I thought of the incomprehensible peace that has been a part of my life because of following Him.

So when the whisper, “I can’t do this” came once more, I whispered back …

“You’re right.  I can’t.”

“But He can.”