Many of us who grew up in more conservative churches are likely familiar with the old hymn, ‘All to Jesus I surrender‘ as it was often part of countless altar calls at the end of services. However, even as a young person, whether I was singing along in the congregation or providing the accompaniment with the piano, I struggled with the words. The words of this hymn are serious and intentional, which caused me to worry about singing them glibly or lightly. I was concerned the day would come that God would challenge me with them.
He has. Over and over.
What follows is something I wrote a number of years ago during a particularly rough season with my autistic son. It popped up in the memories of my Facebook today and I thought I would share them here as I once again ask the Lord … Is this really how I live?
‘All to Jesus, I surrender, All to Him I freely give.’
But, truly God, I have to wonder,
Is this really how I live?
If I would ask the folks around me
What they see me say and do,
Would they even be able to notice,
If I’ve surrendered all to you?
And You, dear Lord,
The One who claims me for His own
You see my hidden places
You know my secret thoughts
When I sing those words so lightly
Without thought or regards to You
What do You think, my Father,
Are the words I sing even true?
I sang those words last night,
Or at least, I really tried.
But all I could see
Were the parts of me not yet crucified.
The hidden places,
The silent thoughts,
The broken dreams,
The prideful heart.
I gazed into my soul
And frankly was dismayed
For it is certainly very clear
That wholly surrendered, I am not
So, dear Lord, I think the song for me
Really needs to be
‘All to Jesus, I long to surrender
Teach me Savior to freely give’
For honestly, dear God,
I can’t do this on my own
But I know that You can change me
And make my life, your own.
*All to Jesus I Surrender written by Judson W. Van de Venter (1855-1939)*
The Brown Bird's Song 