I remember hearing stories about Job all throughout my growing up years. God Himself drew Satan’s attention to him as not once, but twice, He pointed out Job and said, “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.” (Job 1:8) Well, that was certainly a challenge Satan wasn’t about to pass up. He seemed convinced that if enough pressure was applied and if enough was taken away, Job would curse God to His face. Now, it is often shared regarding Job’s testimony that he remained faithful to God, despite the horrid circumstances that came his way as a result of this testing. Can’t deny it, Job was an exceptional person.

However, there has always been this one thing about the book of Job that I’ve never quite understood and I don’t remember it ever being addressed in anything I have read or listened to over the years. I always wondered, if Job was blameless, what led to God’s strong response to him, beginning in chapter 38?

“Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
‘Who is this that darkens counsel without knowledge?
Now gird up your loins like a man, and I will ask you, and you instruct me?
Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me,if you have understanding, who set its measurements?
Since you know. Or who stretched the line on it? …”
Job 38:1-5

I remember as a younger person thinking God’s words of anger were somehow directed towards Job’s less-than-helpful friends, but when I read it again as an adult, I was stunned to realize that the questions God was hurling out were truly directed towards Job, the very one He called blameless! I have read Job’s words leading up to this over and over and then I have read God’s responses multiple times as well. I have come to a better understanding of it now, but I admit, this entire book has remained a puzzle to me.

A couple of weeks ago, life felt as if a giant wave was crashing in over me, sending me tumbling in the surf, unable to gain my footing or take a breath. Life has a way of doing that sometimes, doesn’t it?

This particular wave felt substantially more powerful because it came on the heels of a solid year of some really hard things that continually kept the sand eroding beneath my feet. It was as if my childhood nightmare of trying to outrun a monster wave before it crashed over me came true to life … except, this time I couldn’t wake up to escape it.

I spent some hours lamenting and crying out to the Lord. I wanted to understand, but frankly, I was losing hope. I shared with one person but, the words offered seemed to cast the fault directly back onto me, suggesting that if I did something differently, God would answer and move on my behalf. I settled into silence. The prayers of my childhood seemed as ashes surrounding me. The hopes and dreams of my youth were gone. The tears and prayers of a young woman, dashed away. The deep sorrow of a mother, cast to the side. I could not understand and because I couldn’t understand, it became completely overwhelming. The waves had caused me to lose sight of God.

These are the events and circumstances that led me back to Job. I began to ponder why God would draw Satan’s attention to him, allow unimaginable sorrow and hardship to befall him, and then, even though Job seemingly did nothing wrong, God’s response comes across as basically, “Who do you think you are?”

As I considered Job, I began to wonder if the trials and hardships Job experienced began to reveal hidden sin or deeply buried tendencies or thoughts. Long term difficulties have a way of doing that, don’t they? I have often noted that most of us can handle short seasons of trial without falling into too much sin because the end is in sight. But when your experience is one of a series of ongoing seasons of difficulties, it becomes increasingly difficult to remain strong in faith. If the driving waves are coming in one after another and you are constantly being held beneath the waters … well, it seems reasonable that this will bring out any hidden thought, sin, or unrighteous tendency within you.

With these thoughts in mind, I opened the book of Job once more, but this time to reflect on Job’s response to God. I was struck by how few words he used in comparison to before. When he was speaking with his peers, his words were plentiful and compelling. As he knelt in repentance before a Holy God, however, his words were simple and contrite.

I closed my Bible and then opened another book I’ve been reading. This book, Dark Cloud Deep Mercy, Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop, was suggested to me a couple of months ago by a pastor friend. It is a book I am slowly savoring, not because I find it heavy or intense, but simply because for the first time in my life, I have found someone who speaks my language. I don’t want to rush through it. I found it interesting, however, that this particular morning, as I was pondering Job, I opened this book and read these words …

“The book of Job shows us the same progression. Job’s innocent suffering and his unhelpful friends led him to a series of complaints. God answered Job out of the whirlwind in chapters 38-41 with a series of questions designed to show him God’s breathtaking majesty and power. Job was left nearly speechless. Here are his own words:

I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted …..
I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you. (Job 42:2,5)

The entire book of Job is designed not only to highlight innocent suffering but also to demonstrate human questions and complaints eventually end in humble worship.”
(Dark Clouds Deep Mercy p.82)

Reader, I found myself humbled as I considered these words and the example of Job, a great patriarch of the Scriptures. God allowed Job to walk through a series of incredibly hard seasons of sorrow and hardship – unimaginable trials that exemplify the image of hard wave after hard wave crashing in over top of him. These trials likely brought some hidden things out in Job as he lifted a voice of complaint. But when God spoke and reminded Job of who He is … his response was appropriate and honest. He repented in sorrow and humbly worshiped the Creator of the universe.

Should my response be any different?

What about yours?

I found myself falling before my Creator in sorrow. I openly lamented the difficult circumstances, the broken relationships, the seemingly unanswered prayers, the things I just can’t understand … but then I repented. You see, the trials in my life have brought out tendencies and old thought patterns that are not honoring to the Lord.

“God, I have tried to be faithful to You … why haven’t You done something?”

“There must be something wrong with me. You do this for others but You are leaving me behind.”

“Maybe You don’t love me as much as I thought … “

“Maybe …..”

Do you see the fear and doubts that the waves of life have stirred up in me the longer this has gone on? The expectations that if God is who He said He is and that, if He loved me as the Scriptures indicate, then He would do something … surely He would eventually answer my prayers. But, since He has not answered some of my deepest prayers, the ones I have been praying for 37 years, 24 years, and 19 years, I found myself doubting Him.

Doubting the very God who spoke in the whirlwind to Job.

Lord have mercy.

I was led to follow the example of my brother Job and repent before the Lord. God may never answer my heart cries as I long to see Him do while I am on this earth. He may never make the way any easier. He may not restore anything in my life as He did for Job, but none of this changes the character of God. It must certainly change my expectations of Him and how I walk through life. It should absolutely bring me to a place of humble worship of my God.

The story doesn’t end here, however, because my God is a loving God who gives what we truly need when it is most needed. After I had repented of my lack of faith and lamented that I did not know if I was worthy of my calling or able to live my life in a manner worthy of Him, I read these words in Dark Clouds Deep Mercy,

“Keep trusting the One who keeps you trusting.”

This quote is the one my pastor friend mentioned to be his favorite quote in the entire book and I admit, I was puzzled at first because there are a lot of great quotes in this book. But when I read it in context, I too was struck with the powerful beauty of it. You see, the author of the book had been walking a deep grief journey after he and his wife lost a precious daughter by stillbirth. A friend had reached out to John Piper, (author of many books and founder of Desiring God Ministries) who sent a note of encouragement ending in those words, “Keep trusting the One who keeps you trusting”, which the author described as “a statement that has become an anchor for my soul.“

When I read these words, they became an anchor for me as well in the face of the crashing waves. It is not up to me to be strong enough to keep trusting. It is not up to be to be good enough … to do enough … to be something.

I simply have to trust the One who keeps me trusting and rest in the fact that my life is all in His hands. There is such freedom and peace in this.

So, my reader, this is my encouragement to you as well as you face the storms in your own life … Trust the One who keeps you trusting. Ponder those words. Savor them until they melt into the very core of your soul and then lift your heart in worship to the One who is worthy.

“Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count.” Psalm 40:5

These were my thoughts in the weeks leading up to the Cornonavirus pandemic that is debilitating our world and sending new shock waves of difficulty into many of our lives. They seem more relevant now than before as I ponder my personal response to this new crisis and how I am moving forward personally in my faith journey and how I lead and my care for my family in this season, especially my son with autism. This piece was written somewhat hastily as my son is having great difficulty coping with present circumstances, so my apologies in advance if it is lacking in some manner.