Lately I have been noticing more comments than usual on social media about being ‘stuck.’

“If you’re stuck, it’s your own fault.”

“Change your life! Start over!”

It seems to be a fairly common refrain in modern times. If your life is hard, change it.

Now perhaps, I read too much into statements such as these — that would be possible. But I have to admit, when I hear these kind of words, I cringe. I probably take them a bit too personally.

Feeling ‘stuck’ is something I know well. Trapped between a wall and a hard place has been my normal for years. Unable to move forward or back in a way that makes sense to me. Seemingly stuck in one spot. I often struggle with the sense of helplessness.

But am I actually ‘stuck?’

Years ago, I wrote a short story entitled, ‘The Little Brown Bird.’ It is an allegory of a plain little bird who lived in a lovely garden, with a host of other far more beautiful and gifted birds, all of which had been created and cared for by the Master Gardener. Throughout the story, the brown bird fluctuated between hiding in the shadows or striving to be like the other birds in the garden. She often compared herself and made several attempts to do what the others did, usually placing herself in uncomfortable or sometimes even dangerous circumstances. This little bird believed that the Master Gardener did not see her or love her nearly as much as the others so she was constantly trying to fill the ache inside her by seeking to earn His attention and love. Unbeknownst to her, however, the Master Gardener knew this foolish little bird by name and was fully aware of her troubled thoughts and her futile attempts to earn a love that had already been freely given. After watching her latest frantic endeavor, the Master Gardener finally said, “Enough”, and after gently capturing her in His strong hands, He carried her to the garden cottage porch, where He carefully place her inside a cage.

Now, the Little Brown Bird was not pleased at all with her predicament and fought hard against the bars of that cage, terrified at the thought of being stuck. In the process of beating her wings against the cage, she only caused more injury to herself, so the Master Gardener, in His wisdom and foresight, brought her inside the cottage and placed her inside a much smaller cage that He had previously prepared for her. Then, much to her dismay, He slowly covered it with a blanket so that she sat in the complete darkness, alone and afraid.

She was stuck and there was nothing she could do about it.

Sounds terrible, doesn’t it? But you see, the little bird’s story does not end there. As she sat tucked away inside that cage, unable to fly or see anything around her, the little bird’s wounds were able to heal. She discovered that if she sat in complete silence, she could listen to the Gardener as He cared for other injured birds in the cottage. Sometimes He spoke directly to her with gentle words of rebuke and wisdom. She especially loved to listen as He hummed a lovely melody over and over — a melody that made the hardened heart inside of her to begin to soften. In time, the little bird found herself longing for sound of His voice or whistling His melody to herself in the silence of the cottage. She began to know a peace she had never experienced before.

During her season of isolation, the Little Brown Bird’s perspective began to change. She found she no longer desired to compare herself to the other birds in the garden nor did she feel a sense that she needed to be something other than the plain little bird she was. She learned the Gardener had placed her inside the cage, not as punishment, but for her protection as she came to understand and appreciate that He greatly loved and treasured her. Then she learned the sweetest surprise of all — the melody that He had hummed for her in the quiet of the cottage, was actually the very song He had created her to sing in the first place.

But she had to sit in silence to understand these things and to learn the song.

In the end, we learn that the hardship she endured was exactly what the little bird needed to learn how to be free.

I mentioned that this story is an allegory so there is hidden meaning tucked within the word pictures I tried to paint. It is a deeply personal allegory because the Little Brown Bird is, in fact … me. I am sure I have mentioned this before in previous writings.

Like my little friend in the story, I spent many years either hiding in the shadows or frantically running from one thing to the next, constantly searching for identity, love, acceptance, value, and peace — anything that would either numb or temporarily fill the aching emptiness inside. I wanted someone to see me … to really see me and love me, not ever understanding that God Himself, the Creator of all things, kept a careful watch over me.

A few months after the birth of my third child, my Heavenly Father said “Enough” and began to slowly put an end to all of my futile attempts to find identity, value, love, acceptance, and peace in anything other than Him.

It’s been fifteen years. Fifteen long and often hard years, filled with restrictive ‘cages’ and lots of lonely times. I know the feeling of being stuck. But my testimony is not of the restrictions, nor of the trials and loneliness of the years. My testimony is what God has done in the silence of those years and what He continues to do. My testimony is of the great mercy, kindness, and love He extended to me over and over even as I fought to escape the bars that held me. My story is one of freedom in the midst of ongoing hard things.

As the beloved songwriter Fanny Crosby wrote in her hymn, Blessed Assurance,

“This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.”

He is my story and He is my song.

We live in a time when we are under constant barrage of being told what to do and how to do it. We are told if we are not happy with our lives, then change it, even if it is at the expense of another. We are told to ‘Follow our heart’, no matter what. We are a culture that prizes our personal happiness above all else and if your story doesn’t end happily, then we don’t want to hear it. If you can’t make us laugh and feel good about ourselves, then we don’t want bothered with you. We are told being ‘stuck’ is always a bad thing.

As someone who has been in a ‘stuck’ situation for years — someone who has tried almost everything to get unstuck — someone who has fought against God and those who desired to lead her in God’s way — someone who is finally seeing God’s great love and kindness in the hard things of this life and is learning to persevere and trust in Him daily for all her needs, I would encourage you to proceed carefully if you personally are feeling ‘stuck’ or if you offer words of advice to someone who is in a ‘stuck’ life situation. What we view as ‘stuck’ may very well be the will of God. The hard circumstances that we think should be avoided at all cost, could potentially be the path that leads to true freedom.

What if the hardest parts of this life are actually where God is working in us and through us the most?

As a believer, I consider feeling ‘stuck’ to be cause for serious contemplation before God. Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows every single detail about us and that there is nowhere we can hide from His presence. At the end of the chapter, the Psalmist pleads, ‘Search me O God and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.’ That’s a good place to start for the one who feels trapped in the hard places of life.

So back to my question of am I stuck or am I where I need to be?

I know my answer.

How about you?

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.  For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”
Matthew 16:24-26