I plan on updating my blog soon so this will likely be my last piece on this format but I have a story to tell. A story of God’s faithfulness.

When I was a very young girl, my family had an old piano tucked away in a back room. It was terribly out of tune and many of the ivories were broken but it was my first introduction to an instrument that would one day become my greatest companion.

My older sister began taking piano lessons and my parents invested in a newer piano, which proudly sat in our newly finished living room. But in just a few more years, it was my turn to learn and that piano gradually became an extension of me. I’m sure I drove my poor mother almost crazy with my youthful playing but nothing brought me more joy and peace than coaxing music from those keys, no matter how jarring that music must have been.

I was still quite young when I was asked (or told) to play accompaniment to our church’s congregational singing at our Wednesday night services. I even remember the very first song I played … ‘I Gave My Life for Thee‘ (written by Frances Havergal).

I continued to play accompaniment for church all through my teen years and up until age 21 when I moved on. But it was at home, without eyes watching and on my own instrument, that my greatest joy was experienced. Playing the piano was what kept me sane during the tumultuous teen years when my family was walking through incredibly hard and dark things. I would come home from a difficult day at school, drop my books, and head right to those keys. I would play until my fingers could play no more, starting strong and slowly easing into the softest of notes as the stress of the day faded away.

Playing the piano had the same effect as writing does for me now. It was how I processed life and coped with life’s heartaches.

That piano moved with me into my first apartment and then it moved again a few years later when I got married. Eventually, we moved to our present home, and naturally, my piano moved with me. But around this time, the piano tuner noted that my piano was in bad shape and there was nothing more he could do with it. The entire inside needed to be rebuilt and honestly, the piano was not worth the cost and I certainly didn’t have the resources to rebuild it or buy a new one.

Eventually, I began to play less often. Life was stressful as my oldest son’s autism was often intense and life became increasingly difficult. Over time, the piano’s condition deteriorated until I could no longer bear the sound of its broken notes.

As I look back now I understand that I was just as broken as my piano. I was a jumbled mess of off-key notes and shattered ivories and just as the music ended for my beloved piano, the music began to die in me.

It has probably been 13 or so since I have played with any regularity. It has been 13 years of really hard things and 13 years of being broken down and slowly rebuilt.

I had to learn to process life differently and thankfully I had a Pastor who stepped into that role. What I once could only process through my piano, I had to learn to process in words as we walked through a long counseling process. In time, I found my words were most easily expressed in writing and I found a new creative outlet.

But music has always been the language of my soul …

a language that I thought had died.

My son with autism turned 21 this week. I have to be honest and admit that I have long been afraid of this season of life because soon, the school van will stop coming and the routine of his school days will end. The adult world for an individual with a profound disability is a scary place and it has only grown more uncertain over recent years. All the plans and dreams I had for both him and I have disintegrated and I honestly have no idea what lies ahead.

In addition, I am watching my parents’ age and know my time with them is limited and, at the same time, I have had to come to terms with my life inside a dysfunctional marriage. My time as a homeschool mom is coming to a close as my second child will also be graduating this year and my daughter will then finish next year. I recently had to put my dog, my most faithful companion for almost 14 years to sleep just the other week and a few days after that, I learn that my Pastor was resigning from our church. I don’t even know if I have a future with the church at all considering the needs of my son and my rapidly increasing limited freedom to attend and be involved.

The depth of loneliness in these last weeks had reached new depths and the milestone of my son’s 21st birthday was one I did not feel ready to face.

But I should have known God was up to something. Even in the loneliest places, I have known a sense of peace. Even as I cried tears of sorrow over the losses, my heart could only whisper praise and thankfulness to my God who has sustained me through every season of life and in whom I knew I needed to trust for the future … no matter how scary it may be.

The Saturday before my son’s birthday, I was cleaning my home and preparing a small party for him. At one point I stopped and picked up my phone and opened Facebook and to my surprise, the first thing that popped up on my screen was a posting from Marketplace … of a baby grand piano.

Lord have mercy. What pianist’s heart doesn’t beat a little faster when they see a baby grand? Even one like me who hasn’t touched the keys of any piano in years?

But my heart began to beat even faster when I saw the local location of this piano and the cost … only $500! I have never seen a baby grand for sale at that price. I showed the listing to my daughter and confided in her that I wanted this piano so badly … but I knew logistically, it was out of my power to attain. I did not have $500 and I knew moving such an instrument would be difficult and I knew I would face more resistance than I had the strength to deal with. Owning a piano such as this one was beyond me.

So I let it go.

But God did not.

The next day, the day before my son’s 21st birthday, was his party. I only had a few family members there because I needed to keep it small for his comfort. As a few of us were sitting around the table, my Mother randomly mentioned she had been talking with a man at her church about finding a piano for me. I told her that I had just seen a local baby grand for only $500 and when I was questioned if I had called about it, I had to honestly admit that I didn’t have that amount of money right now. My Mom looked at me and said that she and my Dad did … and they would love to loan the money to me for this piano … I could pay them back later. This announcement set off a series of events that I could never have imagined for immediately those closest to me grew excited and begged me to find the listing again and to reach out to the owner. My hands started to shake and I couldn’t find the post anywhere so my sweet daughter took my phone and searched until she found it. Surrounded on most sides with encouragement, with only one lone voice of doubt and gloom, I contacted the person who listed the piano and set up a time to see it the next day.

It was surreal. I was going to look at a baby grand piano with the intent and means of purchasing it … this was something my mind could barely fathom.

The next day I sent my now 21-year-old son off to school and with an envelope of borrowed money, we drove a short distance to look at the piano. We met the owner’s daughter at the door (the owner was in the hospital at the time), and as we walked inside the first thing I noticed was not the piano, but a painted mural on a wall with a Scripture verse … a significant one.

Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31

Friends, I have been weary. I have been barely holding on for months and I have questioned how I could possibly keep going. This verse has often come to mind but I reached a point where I had begun to dismiss it but there it was, beautifully displayed right in front of me. Then I looked to my side and there stood the piano … and something came alive in me.

I listened to the story of this instrument and learned that it is close to one hundred years old and that it has been a cherished part of this family since 1981. The Mother/Grandmother of this family was the owner of the instrument and everyone was attached to it. But due to downsizing, she had decided to get a smaller piano and needed a new home for this piece, not an easy thing to do with such a large instrument at its advanced age.

I didn’t sit down to play but I touched a few keys tentatively and felt the smooth touch. The notes sounded especially sweet to me and I knew without a doubt this piano was meant for me. I glanced at the hymnal that sat on top and then I looked in the eyes of the owner’s daughter and told her that I would love to give their piano a new home where it would be cherished and well cared for as it has always been. I handed her the money and after more conversation, we left, at this point uncertain how I was going to get it moved.

I listened to all kinds of planning and worry about moving the piano ourselves the whole way home but I felt such a peace that somehow, it would be okay. As soon as we got home, I had a message from the woman I had just met with asking if she could call me, and of course, I said yes … honestly a little concerned that there was a problem and they had changed their minds. Her words, however, stunned me for she gave me the numbers of professional piano movers and offered to pay for the move herself, up to a certain amount.

My goodness, when God does a thing … He does a thing.

Two days later, that beloved baby grand stood in my home.

I contemplated what would be the first song I would play on this instrument and the answer was clear … ‘Great is Thy Faithfulness’ (Thomas O. Chisholm) …

Because God is faithful.

On my son’s 21st birthday, a milestone I have long feared, God provided and brought music back into my life. In a season of loss and change, He has brought comfort. In a season of loneliness, He has brought a companion. The baby grand now stands in my living room as a testimony of the faithfulness and love of my God.

He will provide in all the uncertain days ahead, just as He has provided in the past.

He has brought music back to me and because of Him …

My soul sings.

My soul sings
Now my soul sings

What blessed assurance
I’ve found in You
I’ve found in You
I won’t be shaken, I will not be moved
How steadfast Your strong hand
Is keeping me
Is keeping me
I won’t be shaken, I will not be moved
Oh, blessed assurance

*CityAlight ~ Blessed Assurance*