Dear Reader~
I know, this blog has been silent for a long time. I also know I can’t expect people to stick around if I am not consistent in writing but truthfully, the last few months have been hard. Adjusting to my present reality, coping with significant losses, caring for elderly parents as needs and significant health concerns arise, and being a full-time caregiver to my adult son with autism has been quite an adjustment. Most days I simply do not have any brain energy left to form two words together, let alone enough to fill a blog post. But this simply means that when I do write, the words are coming from deep inside and are the words I believe the Lord would have me share. Such is the case with this post. Read on and if the Lord stirs you to help whether through prayer, physical work, or financially, I would be immensely grateful.

Years ago, while my oldest son began attending a specialized private school for children with autism, I was in a conundrum regarding schooling my younger children. Actually, it was more than that, I was backed into a corner. A corner that did not fit into my plans or desires. With my defenses up, I argued with the Lord for a long time but finally, I could no longer fight against Him as the walls pressed in tighter and tighter with each passing day.

I reluctantly made the decision to homeschool my younger children.

It was never an ideal situation for me or something I desired to do. It was, quite simply, an act of obedience.

So for the entirety of my children’s school years, I walked the very tricky tightrope of homeschooling two children and caring for a son with severe autism with little to no support. I often questioned why God allowed certain things and why life had to be so difficult all the time … why did it feel like I was slowly dying from the inside out?

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24

I am finally reaching a wonderful place of hindsight and while I surely cannot see all that God was doing in that incredibly long season, I can see some of the fruit that came with learning to live a life of obedience and dying to self. My younger children have seen God provide and work in unbelievable ways and, as one is excelling in college and the other is in her final year of high school, over and over they have expressed gratitude for the journey we have walked together. They are thankful that they were homeschooled and that they were challenged to mature, taught to think for themselves and question everything, and learned some hard lessons in dying to self and obedience.

Homeschooling my children was never my passion and I never felt qualified or capable but God blessed my obedience to the calling He placed on me and then He provided for them.

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live,
but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh
I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
Galations 2:20

Why am I sharing all this? Thoughts I probably have never really shared with anyone other than a lone confidant? The reality is, I am finding myself once again backed into a corner … a place not of my own choosing but a place where the circumstances are crushing and all other options have been taken away.

It is a place where the only option is obedience to the calling God seems to be placing on my life and stepping out in faith, trusting Him for what I cannot see nor accomplish on my own.

My oldest son aged out of the school system in June. This certainly was not unexpected and I knew it was coming. His team and I spent years planning for his adult years and my hopes were that he would be able to eventually move into a group home, have enough supports to work a part-time job, and enjoy a life of his own without me being a constant presence. My personal plan was to be able to get a job, become financially independent, and lead a quiet life. That is really all I wanted.

But bit by bit, the walls began closing in and I had to take a step backward. The organization that had opened group homes for individuals with needs like my son and who made so many promises realized that they weren’t being practical and there simply wasn’t enough funding for what they were trying to do. The homes have all been closed with very little hope that they will open again.

Then the pandemic hit and in the fallout, every single plan we had worked on for my son fell apart before my eyes. Every single one. Where once there had been at least a certain amount of options, now there were none. Each week brought the walls inching in closer and closer until I found myself with my son home full time with me as his 24/7 caregiver and support person.

I am backed into a corner and it is a hard one.

But what is the difference this time? Now I can look back and see how God was faithful over the years of raising and teaching my children. I can see how He used an unqualified and often weak mother to bring up these children for His glory. I know the beauty of obedience and dying to oneself.

I know what God can do with a heart that is willing and trusting.

I also know how hard that is.

However, when God backs us into a corner, it is not time to argue or indulge in self-pity, it is an opportunity to trust Him and step forward in faith.

This is where the shed comes in.

Over the last few years, I have pondered and prayed over what would lie ahead for my son as I watched the options slowly fade away, I began to consider what I could do here at home, in my rural Pennsylvania community where there are no real options for individuals like my son. Could I start a program patterned after others in surrounding counties that might provide more opportunities for folks with extra needs who require additional support? Maybe I could start a business that might potentially provide job and/or volunteer opportunities for my son and others? What could I … what should I do?

After months of constant caregiving and many challenging life circumstances, I have found myself completely depleted of energy and resources … and now God seems to be saying, “It is time.”

I had set aside a room in my home as a workspace for my son and me a few months ago. I work with him building birdhouses and I make candles, soaps, and such. But this work area is in my office/library and it simply is not working well for us. So as my son enjoyed his pool this summer and I worked outside nearby, an idea from the past resurfaced … what if I cleared away all the overgrowth and debris from an old shed foundation on our property and placed a new shed there? A shed that could house a work area and more …?

This is where the shop comes in.

As I pulled weeds and picked up broken glass, I prayed continually. You see, in my rural community, my son’s situation is not an isolated one. Many individuals and their families are faced with extremely limited resources and almost no help. Parents are forced to leave their careers once their child ages out of the school system or other family members offer care until they reach an age that they can no longer help. There are some programs but waiting lists are substantial and often the programs do not match the individual’s needs and honestly, in our community, it often seems as if our children and families are invisible. While most of us are used to fighting for our children, I find that as we age, we oftentimes simply grow weary … weary of asking for help and not being heard … weary of covering all the bases for our child with special needs and our other kids … weary of fighting so many hidden battles every single day … weary of crying ourselves to sleep at night and fearing for our child when we are no longer here … and weary of living in a world where no one seems to see our children and their potential.

Sometimes when our children reach adulthood and we realize the absolute lack of resources and concern within the system and our communities, we just shut down. We give up. We stop asking for help.

This is where I found myself after these last few years. A place of shutting down. A place where I just didn’t have any more fight left in me. A place of absolute and abject weariness.

I’m not alone in this.

So as I pondered not only a shed but the rest of our four acres, I began to see potential … not only for my son but in time and Lord willing, for others as well. I began to envision a cottage garden overflowing with flowers and herbs that I would use in my own soaps and salts. I pictured vegetables and berries growing nearby and paths that would draw a weary soul into a sheltered place to rest. I envisioned patches of lavender and sunflowers that exuded peace and joy. And in the midst of it all, I saw a shop … a shop and a small greenhouse. The shop would house a work area for various projects but it would also contain enough space to open a small store where we could sell the work of our own hands but also, the work of others.

Most importantly, I saw a shop and four acres of land filled with opportunities. My son is capable of many things when he is given the opportunity and the support he needs and I am confident that he could partake in almost every aspect of running a small business. The same is true for many people with special needs and varying disabilities.

I close my eyes and all I can see is a place where individuals with varying needs would be welcomed and valued for who they are because, like everyone, they are deserving of an opportunity.

And Lord willing, if I can provide this opportunity for my son on a small scale, maybe one day, I can be a part of providing it for others within our community.

That’s the vision.

Want to be a part of it? The most important thing any believer could do for us is to pray… pray for the Lord’s provision and leading. Without Him, there is no vision. However, if you are interested in supporting the purchase of a shed, a GiveSendGo site has been set up by a friend and you can find it here ->
https://givesendgo.com/G9BWD?utm_source=sharelink&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=G9BWD

I don’t expect this sharing site to remain open for much longer but I do have a special savings account set up at a local bank that will remain open as a means of supporting this ongoing vision.