Survival 101 – Probably Not What You Expected.

I enjoy a good survival story, especially if it is true and has a happy ending. I am a absolute sucker for happy endings, what can I say? But I am especially intrigued by the stories of those who start on a journey only to find themselves in seemingly impossible circumstances for which they are grossly ill-prepared.

Consider the plight of an inexperienced hiker who decided to enjoy a rare warm fall day by hiking into a nearby mountain. She had heard the view was beautiful and even though she knew nothing of the terrain and had never seriously hiked before, she slipped on her sneakers, tossed a small water bottle and granola bar in her bag, and started up the trail, confident that she could handle anything that lie ahead.

But as the day wore on, she began to realize that, even though she had been walking for several hours, she had not yet reached the mountain summit. In fact, as she looked around her, she realized she could not find any markers to indicate whether she was even still on the trail. Somehow, she had lost her way. She stopped to calm herself and tried to remember what she should do in a situation like this but quickly realized that this was beyond anything in her experience. She looked at her cell phone but saw she only had a very weak signal so she decided to keep walking, hoping to see it improve. By only focusing her attention on her phone, she completely missed the dark clouds that had built overhead or the way the winds had begun to whistle through the trees. It was only as the rain pelted down upon her that she suddenly realized the danger of her present situation and frantically searched for some kind of shelter, anywhere to take refuge from the violent storm. She stumbled down into a pile of boulders and there she hid herself, waiting for the storm to pass. While in her hiding spot, she recognized a pang of hunger and reached into her small backpack only to discover she had eaten her lone granola bar some hours before. Her water bottle was empty as well so she held it out under the rain, hoping to snatch a few precious droplets with which to quench her thirst.

Wet from the heavy rains and growing much colder as the chilly evening air settled around her, she began to feel true fear. No one knew where she was, her cell phone was not working, she was out of food and water, she was wet, she was cold, and she didn’t know what to do. So as the rain changed into a foggy mist, she started to walk once more, completely disoriented, without the faintest clue of where she was or what direction she was heading.

She had started on an adventure without the three main keys of survival … Experience, Preparedness, and Navigation … and our hapless hiker was now paying the unfortunate price for her negligence.

Now, this could simply be a case of an overly active imagination, but that hiker’s story reminds me of the entirety of 2020 thus far –except, I would probably need to add in a blizzard that dropped six feet of snow on her, a couple of grizzly bears, a mountain lion or two, and a few more natural disasters to make it more accurate, right?

Lord have mercy, what a year.

Admittedly, I am not much of a hiker. I do enjoy an excursion through the woods and being surrounded by the serene silence of a forest, but I prefer the luxury of indoor plumbing, you know? I probably would not fare well if I were lost in the wilderness and facing the onslaught of crises that our hiker encountered, despite some basic survival skills I may possess. But in my world, I do have a little experience with crisis and I know a thing or two about survival. Even so, the events of this past year still knocked me for a loop so what I am going to share is just a taste of what I’ve been working through and pondering over these last several months. If you have been ‘thrown for a loop’ as well, I hope you will listen to this part of my story and consider these musings.

Earlier this year, prior to the ongoing events of the pandemic and the overall breakdown of society, I was facing a crisis that completely rocked my world. My oldest son, who has autism and often crippling anxiety, completely fell apart emotionally. It started at the end of 2019 but the shattering didn’t fully hit until later in January. I have been through many a crisis with this beloved son of mine, but this was something new and beyond anything I had experienced before.

My son has significant limitations and behavioral issues due to his autism and anxiety so he attends a special school that is specifically designed for individuals with his level of need. As part of his treatment plan, they have written a crisis plan, which is a specific set of steps they follow when he exhibits crisis behavior. It is written by highly trained professionals and all staff are trained in how to implement it. Here at home, I have my own crisis plan. It is one I have developed myself over the years of living, loving, and working with my son while also needing to protect his younger siblings. I am a team of one with a soft nature so I had to walk through a lot of hard things to gain the experience and wisdom needed to develop a plan that would keep my son safe, as well as, to teach him how to control and calm himself. I am not naturally gifted in knowing how to do this nor is my personality wired for this level of parenting. But I have learned that having a solid plan allows me to respond to almost any crisis wisely and consistently — being prepared is vital.

However, when my son fell apart earlier in the year, I was out of my depths in a way I had not been in a long time. I was alone with him (and his siblings who retreated to their rooms) and for a long time I could only watch — and pray. See, for any Christian mother, but especially one with a non-verbal special needs child, that is absolutely key. I cannot know what is happening inside my son’s mind — I can only see the outside. But God knows all things so I cried out to Him for insight and for wisdom to know what to do.

Experience with this level of breakdown I did not have, but I did have quite a bit of experience from other storms I have walked through with my son. Therefore, I had a certain ability to deal with the crisis at hand. Because of that kind of experience and the many years I have invested learning how to help my son, I was prepared enough to be able to respond in such a way to help deescalate the situation, as opposed to escalating it further. So I was moderately prepared and had some experience and these were very important but it was the final point that made the real difference — navigation. I texted my Pastor to tell him briefly of the situation and to ask for prayer … and then I sat beside my son’s bed in the darkness of the night and I lifted my silent cries to the Lord. I needed His guidance and direction in order to help my son.

“Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,”
whenever you turn to the right or to the left.”
Isaiah 30:21

God, when all else seemed lost, was my navigation, my compass, to guide me in the right direction, during a time both my son and I were utterly disoriented by the intensity of the storm.

How often do we tend to mindlessly meander our way through life, assuming everything will go well and according to our plans? No one plans for hard seasons, whether it be the birth of a child with a life-threatening disease or a disability of some nature. No one plans for cancer to attack a loved one or death to call someone away in their youth. No one plans for a year like we have known in 2020.

So what do we do when faced with crisis, when our world is shaken to its core, or in some cases, shattered to pieces before our eyes? How do we rely on experience when facing situations that are far more than we have ever dealt with? How do we prepare for crisis when we don’t know it is coming? Most importantly, do we have a tool of navigation, something or someone who can provide direction as we move through a troubled season?

These are only a few of the thoughts I have been ruminating over these last months because even though I may have handled the first crisis of 2020 fairly well (all glory to God for that), the next wave of crisis that hit proved to be of tsunami proportions.

I will share that story another time but until then, consider taking some time to reflect on how you respond in times of crisis. Do you have enough experience with the goodness and sovereignty of God to help you weather the harshest of storms? Are you prepared and grounded in His truths? And most importantly, do you know where to find help and guidance in times of need? Think about it.

The time to consider these matters is not when crisis hits for then it may be too late.

“I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.”

Psalm 121:1,2

Survival 101 – Probably not what you expected.

Rescued.

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”
~Anne Frank~

I don’t know when I have last written nor when I have even given this blog more a passing thought. The world, for many of us, came to a screeching halt back in March, as we were suddenly faced with fears of a worldwide pandemic and all the surreal discord, fear, and anger that continues to threaten to overtake all logic and respect for human dignity and life.

In the process of navigating these issues and working through the overwhelming circumstances within my own family, I found myself unequipped for the battles that awaited me. Courage left first as my greatest foe, Fear, wrapped his tendrils around my heart and mind. His whispers assailed and assaulted me from every side until I could no longer hear the voice of my Savior. My faith began to weaken as my words vanished like a vapor in the night.

I never felt more alone. I never felt more abandoned. I never felt more lost.

Many can toss their words into the wind without thought or care for where they land but that is not how I live. My nature is quiet. Words are often hard for me to share. It took years for me to learn how to talk and begin to share my thoughts with others. It takes courage for me to even look anyone in the eye. It takes courage for me to speak a word that opens the shutters of who I am inside. It takes courage for me to write because I know words to be powerful … whether for good or for evil.

I believed my words were forever lost as I finally fell before my enemy on an isolated battle field, wounded and afraid. Too weary to do anything more than whisper, “Where are You?” and “What have I done? Has it all been for naught?”

My enemy began to turn away, certain of my demise. He knew all along I lacked the courage for a battle of this intensity and that I could be easily defeated. I could hear him laugh in disgust as he walked away, leaving me abandoned in the bloodied dirt. I would have stayed there in misery for the rest of my life …

But God.

In the haunting silence that often follows a particularly brutal battle, I gradually became aware of a different whisper, at first spoken through the voice of a friend/counselor.

“You have to keep feeding your mind Biblical truth. ‘I will never leave you or forsake you… (Hebrew 13:5)’ ‘No one can snatch you out of My hand… (John 10:28) ‘The good shepherd will leave the 99 to seek and save the one that is lost…’ (Luke 15:4-6)

Over and over I heard the words, “I will leave the 99 to find you.”

I began to recognize the voice of the Shepherd beckoning His lamb who was lost.

The one who thought she had been abandoned. Forgotten. Left behind.

My head lifted as I began to search for my Shepherd and I saw the enemy swivel on his feet as he turned to face me once more. Our eyes locked as he lifted his sword and all I could do was whisper one name …

The name of Jesus.

A shadow fell over me and I saw fear in my enemy’s face as he saw who stood over me ready to fight to protect His own.

The Good Shepherd. My Rescuer.

Jesus Christ.

For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage;…”
Psalm 94:14

I am not sure how much writing I will do as I am honestly trying to figure out how to live truthfully and righteously in the overwhelming and difficult realities of this life and particularly, this season of life. To say I still feel inadequate and unworthy is an understatement but I know these feelings are not to be trusted. I have been called to live as one who has been rescued … and if I write, it must be as one who knows she has been rescued even in the darkest of seasons.

One who has seen the ugliness of the battle field and who has faced almost certain death at the hand of the enemy rarely speaks of her own goodness or fortitude in battle … but rather, she speaks of the One who rescued her when all seemed lost.

She will not attempt to point to anything or anyone other than the One whose very presence can cause darkness to flee. She will gladly stand in the shadow of His presence and trust in His strength as the battles of life continue to rage around her.

She knows she has been rescued and is aware that she has to learn to live in this truth, even when every circumstance in her life seems to tell her otherwise.

So I write these words and offer them to you as one who is planting the minuscule seeds of courage in hopes that it will grow once more.

Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:19-26